Barsexuality is the new black.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
True college students do jello shots in the library
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
