i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize