im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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