she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Do vagina's smell?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
