you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize