We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
