can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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