ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
