I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize