Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
