am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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