I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
