I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
