Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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