Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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