My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
its not stalking. its research.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This is classic penis vs brain.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
