Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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