Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
