Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
