I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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