I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
