idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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