i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize