That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
