So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
