Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
