He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
