I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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