i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
