Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
