Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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