this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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