i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
