She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
