So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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