I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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