Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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