i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
