its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
