Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
