so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
All the doctor said was why
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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