he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
