then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
