fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize