Is it because I queefed?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
