Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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