my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
