I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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