i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
