I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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