he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
