I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
