Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
