I hope mine doesn't look like that
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
