No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just cropdusted the office
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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