dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize