We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
