I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
