There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
