I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
