u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize