So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
