I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
