I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
