Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
