my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So vagazzling was a success
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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