walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
