I puked a lego.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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