Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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