She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
