The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
