Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
