i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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