I wish I could teleport
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
