I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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