i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
