Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
