The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
