Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
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