Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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