I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
