At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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