My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
