last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
