i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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