Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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