:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
