When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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